DISCLAIMER: This post could be categorized as anything from a major crib-session, to a probable new case for the undertaking of SPCA ! Its summer time and the Miniature Musketeers are back creating havoc in my peaceful existence.. and now that they have ransacked my chocolate-store, Ive decided not to take this lying down !
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At the onset, let me insist, that, in life, I have always had compassion for God's lesser mortals and visibly smaller creations - but, ANTS ..... relate a different story. If ever there was a creature, I never got along with, then it is the pompous, infamous, agonising ant! Life has never been the same, ever since the Almighty (presumably in one of His not so brighter moments) decided to create these miniature musketeers, and mind you in wondrous colours of black and red. What those blasted colours signify, I do not know, but I guess color-discrimination must be existing at such insignificant levels as well.
Now the question, I ask Him is, "Why create those slimy, sleazy, good-for-nothing characters in the first place ? Haven't we got enough of them already?" And to top it, we are expected to look up to them (awed!!) as hard working, diligent chaps who have never a moment to spare ! Personally, I feel they would mint money if they were to go on stage -- especially with their perpetual put-on of the 'busier-than-thou' attitude !!
Ants have never managed to fascinate me! (I doubt they have managed to fascinate anybody else as well). They just don't seem to be in the possession of that gene which is oh-so-vital, when it comes to impressing folks in their viscinity. The more I stare at them, the more annoying they appear. Besides, they don't bother to display any hint of grace and charm either -- especially when any edible stuff that is capable of increasing your blood sugar, happens to appear in their range of vision - which they devour, with the stomach of an elephant. They happen to have the audacity to bite you as well, lest you try to retrieve your fast disappearing meal!
IMHO the purpose of these unbecoming creatures on planet earth, has never been accurately defined. There have of course been lots of ghoulish theories, but many of the more pleasant ones, happen to be half-baked attempts on behalf of the 'Pro- Ants' society, which is forever under the impression, that decent, peace loving, respectable folks like me will lead to the extinction of this precious species. As if we have the time for such "anti-social" activities... Bah !
I clearly fail to see anything remotely positive about this creature, except for the fact that, despite it's miniature size, it always manages to sufficiently impress you, after it has been on one of it's biting-sprees. Why it bites God-fearing and respectable citizens like me is a different question altogether -- But I strongly believe, that most members belonging to the above mentioned loathsome species seem to have displaced a few of those vital marbles inside their cranium. Hence the reason for those unprecedented bites, even if you happen to be on most amicable terms with them.
I enjoy flicking ants, and by the dozen. ( Hope all S.P.C.A. activists are holidaying in Timbuktu) Infact the more the merrier. I derive as much sadistic pleasure in creating hurdles on their foodie-trails, as they take in troubling me. And it is finally, after years of contemplation, that I have decided to declare open war on these obliging creatures. If you think, I'm talking through my hat, then I must say that you've had either no contact or little to do with these miniature musketeers. Just take an ant, preferably red, (no discrimination intended) under your wing for a few precious minutes, and you will realise that I haven't been making mountains out of ant-hills after all!!
~Tweety
=========
At the onset, let me insist, that, in life, I have always had compassion for God's lesser mortals and visibly smaller creations - but, ANTS ..... relate a different story. If ever there was a creature, I never got along with, then it is the pompous, infamous, agonising ant! Life has never been the same, ever since the Almighty (presumably in one of His not so brighter moments) decided to create these miniature musketeers, and mind you in wondrous colours of black and red. What those blasted colours signify, I do not know, but I guess color-discrimination must be existing at such insignificant levels as well.
Now the question, I ask Him is, "Why create those slimy, sleazy, good-for-nothing characters in the first place ? Haven't we got enough of them already?" And to top it, we are expected to look up to them (awed!!) as hard working, diligent chaps who have never a moment to spare ! Personally, I feel they would mint money if they were to go on stage -- especially with their perpetual put-on of the 'busier-than-thou' attitude !!
Ants have never managed to fascinate me! (I doubt they have managed to fascinate anybody else as well). They just don't seem to be in the possession of that gene which is oh-so-vital, when it comes to impressing folks in their viscinity. The more I stare at them, the more annoying they appear. Besides, they don't bother to display any hint of grace and charm either -- especially when any edible stuff that is capable of increasing your blood sugar, happens to appear in their range of vision - which they devour, with the stomach of an elephant. They happen to have the audacity to bite you as well, lest you try to retrieve your fast disappearing meal!
IMHO the purpose of these unbecoming creatures on planet earth, has never been accurately defined. There have of course been lots of ghoulish theories, but many of the more pleasant ones, happen to be half-baked attempts on behalf of the 'Pro- Ants' society, which is forever under the impression, that decent, peace loving, respectable folks like me will lead to the extinction of this precious species. As if we have the time for such "anti-social" activities... Bah !
I clearly fail to see anything remotely positive about this creature, except for the fact that, despite it's miniature size, it always manages to sufficiently impress you, after it has been on one of it's biting-sprees. Why it bites God-fearing and respectable citizens like me is a different question altogether -- But I strongly believe, that most members belonging to the above mentioned loathsome species seem to have displaced a few of those vital marbles inside their cranium. Hence the reason for those unprecedented bites, even if you happen to be on most amicable terms with them.
I enjoy flicking ants, and by the dozen. ( Hope all S.P.C.A. activists are holidaying in Timbuktu) Infact the more the merrier. I derive as much sadistic pleasure in creating hurdles on their foodie-trails, as they take in troubling me. And it is finally, after years of contemplation, that I have decided to declare open war on these obliging creatures. If you think, I'm talking through my hat, then I must say that you've had either no contact or little to do with these miniature musketeers. Just take an ant, preferably red, (no discrimination intended) under your wing for a few precious minutes, and you will realise that I haven't been making mountains out of ant-hills after all!!
~Tweety
12 comments:
Agree completely on the red ones... but I love the black ones!! They're awesomely cute (weird as it sounds) and I love the way they scurry around. I've come across drunk ones (they scurry in circles), sprinters (boy, are they fast) and amblers (dignified but quick). Take a second look. They're not so bad. :)
Hey Tweety.. though I've read your blogs from before, this is the first time I'm commenting.. have to say, you really write well :-)
About the ants.. well I'm not too fond of them either.. but I think I hate mosquitoes more.. those blood sucking monsters are God's worst creations.. right before roaches and centipedes.. and other creepy crawly bugs.. EWW!!!!
this is what happens when the chocs dont find their way out of the wrappers for a long long time... the God's messengers (red ants - as my mother calls them) come to remind you...
btw... I tend to like them (strictly for the following reason)... they are the one and only reason that works when it comes to convincing my mother not to give me sweets to carry :). [thankfully she dosent read blogs]
For all other reasons --- drinking water from my water bottle, hide-and-seek inside the keyboard, and using the monitor cable to practice rappling and trekking, I simply hate them.
I have just found hollow almonds --- they must have got brainy, best wishes for your war :)
Ok not to nitpick or anything but the last I heard, it was 'Her' not 'Him' :-)
And pray tell, how do the poor ants come across as pompous? I am yet to come across an ant who would lift a morsel 10 times its size, take a bow and say "ta da!"
Other than that, ants' love for your hidden stash of chocs is simple to explain. They are smuggling it out molecule by molecule, and doling it out like little red Robinhoods to us poor chocs-deprived masses :)
Rahul
PS: How is Mumbai coping up with the event of the century? I am talking about the Abhiash wedding ofcourse.
PPS: MTA chronicles?
@mudra: Ya I guess you are right about the black ones. They're pretty harmless, and kinda cute too sometimes. But their red coutnerparts sort of ruin the image for the entire species!
@vandana: Thanks for the words of appreciation :) And yep, mosquitoes are equally agonizing, however I grant them the silver-position and not the gold, because at least they spare my chocolates !
@the_golden_silence: Gods messengers...Now that's some optimist! And btw, I have a daily dose of almonds too, so I guess Im prepared for the battle.
@asterix: Oh cool... Im glad if its a 'Her'. Not that I mind :) Guess I should keep myself updated!
Pompous because of the perpetual busier-than-though attitude,even though they dont seem to be having any significant task on hand - making me seem like a jobless, good-for-nothing, lazy loot - stuck in front of a monitor day after day, having nothing interesting to do, except for reading/writing blogs, and getting the lates updates on the wedding of the century!!!
Re. the wedding --- I think the poor residents of Mumbai are barely managing to survive, with gory details of the color of the wedding pandal to the number of Air conditioners installed in them - being shoved down our throat every half hour! And finally - It was supposed to be an MTA chronicle this time, but the miniature musketeers decided to raid the chocolate-basket, and hence priorities got jumbled! MTA can wait, while I finish the white chocolate before they do !!!
Hey Tweety, nice writing. :)
You seem to be fond of writing about the Kingdom Animalia-Class Insecta. Hope that bee is no more around. :D :P
And yes, to add, some creatures called pigeons are irritating in equal intensity !! I am sure you agree :)
Hey Tweety, nice writing. :)
You seem to be fond of writing about the Kingdom Animalia-Class Insecta. Hope that bee is no more around. :D :P
And yes, to add, some creatures called pigeons are irritating in equal intensity !! I am sure you agree :)
I agree ! Tiny annoying creatures. Have to shell out money for pest control to keep the buggers out of my turf.
Btw me waiting too for your take on the gala wedding !!
-Mannie
Nice blog. Fabulous writing as always.
I can understand your fight with those tiny creatures specially since they try to steal your precious chocs right from under your nose! But look at their (and bees too) activity from their perspective in stashing away food for themeslves and their fellow beings (or the bee biting your finger to protect themselves from the perceived threat from you) and may be, just may be U will be able to accept them for what they are!!
Good work though and let us have more of these annoying creatures bugging you and promting you to produce more such gems, more often.
@face_2_face : Yep the pigeons are still in the pipeline..dont worry.. And since they are omnipresent all the year round, they tend to lose their charm. These ants make seasonal apperances, hence had to blog about them in advance.
@mannie: Definitely no takes on the abhi-ash wedding. Had enough and more of it on the internet, w/o me adding my two cents !
@prakash: Thanks :)
what about mosquitoes? you should have a separate entry for mosquitoes as well. in IIT you must be facing a mosquito army :)
btw, there are things available in market called "ant-repellers". plz buy them and save ur precious choclates :P
mosquitoes and roaches - I try to murder them when I see them. Incidentally have you ever tried chocolate covered ants?
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